As we reflect on the horrific events of 9/11, it’s important we address the impact it still has on first responders and their families. In this guest post, Lori Mercer from FireFighterWife.com shares inspirational ideas on dealing with the fear that comes from loving someone with such a dangerous job.
So many women tell me that every time they kiss their husband goodbye on his way out the door they think to themselves “This could be the last time I see him.”
I wonder how many of the fire wives thought that on the morning of September 11, 2001?
But an even better question, is I wonder how many of those lost in the tower even thought that in the past week before 9.11? A rare few if they were lucky were able to give a sufficient final goodbye “just in case”.
Most people have a sense of the fickle fate that could take any of our lives at any moment. Car accidents. Heart Attacks. Natural Disasters. But most people don’t have a constant reminder of the fragility of life living in their house leaving their firefighter paraphernalia lying around. The navy blue shirts. The coffee mugs. The maltese cross decals on the cars. The Last Will and Testament and important details for a Line of Duty Death tucked away in the fire safe.
Every fire wife has thought about her husband dying on duty. She’s rehearsed the phone call or the knock on the door all the way thru the tears, the funeral and life without him. I’ve personally found myself lost in thought when I’m driving, waiting for him to call me back after that last interrupted call “Working fire. Gotta go! Love you.” Click. It’s been 3 hours. Surely they are back by now. Somewhere those thoughts of “I’m sure they are just busy cleaning up. Or maybe his cell phone isn’t on him” turn to thoughts of what if. What if something happened to him? And before you know it tears are streaming down your face as you’re visualizing his eulogy given by his partner while you hug the kids tightly in the front row.
It’s so real. Or I should say, we can make things so real in our minds. And for some women, those thoughts grip them in ferocious fears that paralyze them, unable to act. Unable to go cook dinner, remember the next task or fall asleep. Even if you aren’t paralyzed in fear you may still be carrying with you that worry, gnawing in your gut and taking up precious space in your thoughts.
She’s trapped by those nasty emotions waiting for a stinking return phone call that 9,999 out of 10,000 times is going assure her that mental trap was just a false alarm.
And now we approach another anniversary of September 11th and the reminders get more frequent, more graphic, more lump-forming-in-my-throat-inducing.
Now I’m not just referring to fire wives. I think every American growing up in this generation has a strong emotional reaction to the events of 9.11. How could you not? It’s such a display of pure evil and loss of innocent lives. Perhaps even some firefighters react more strongly as they think of friends, colleagues, brothers and sisters who were killed on that day. And remind themselves it’s a promise they made and it could happen to them as well.
How do you beat this mental battle? Because if you don’t, they might as well keep flying planes into buildings because you are still fearfully impacted and that’s exactly what they wanted to happen. A little strong for you? Don’t underestimate the impact of your thoughts. You change your thoughts you change your life.
A few tips to battle the mental monsters of fear and worry especially surrounding September 11th
#1 You shouldn’t be in denial that firefighting is a dangerous profession. Duh. De Nial is just De River in Egypt. Sorry if that offends you to make light of that but some fire families really need to get their head out of the sand and do some pre-planning. Just in case. Cross that off the list and stop worrying about it.
#2 September 11th is a time to remember. To never forget, right? Think about what parts you aren’t forgetting. We want to honor the lives lost and it evokes a whole lot of emotions, especially for those personally impacted. Too many widows and orphans were made on that day. Far too many. I sincerely from the bottom of my heart mourn right alongside them. But at the same time, it does bother me when there is too much focus on death and not enough focus on the life. The good. The miracles surrounding 9.11. And I am pretty certain that those angels watching up in heaven understand our pain but wouldn’t want us to linger and get stuck there in a bad mental pit. Never forget all the good. Never forget our nation pulling together in support. Never forget those stories of heroes. But go ahead and forget all those images that keep you locked to the TV paralyzed in grief and inaction. We didn’t recover from 9.11 by replaying that scene over and over again. We acted. Which leads me to #3.
#3 Take action. I mean physically do something. Even just standing up and walking across a room or drinking a glass of water can change the chemical make up in our brains and help dispel negative emotions. But for September 11th, I’d actually encourage you to do something bigger. Remember the outpouring of support after 9.11? All the people that went to help. All the charities. All the acts of service. With that tragic event corresponding with us living in a more connected world, the opportunities to find a way to help are endless. If 9.11 has you a little extra emotional, then you need to find a way to occupy your mind with other activities instead. Over at FirefighterWife.com we are participating in the National Day of Service having our first ever 9.11 24 Hours of Service event to do just that. Anyone can participate by signing up at FirefighterWife.com/9-11 It’s our way of honoring those lost while leaving the world a little better at the end of the day.
#4 Find some tools to help you work through these emotions. Whether they are stealing minutes or days from your life, we can all benefit from on-going learning and self-improvement. Journal your thoughts. Read books. Talk to a counselor or a friend. Eliminate bad influences, the Debbie Downers in your life. Find a way to change stressful situations. Join a group for support and friendship.
As the leader of the largest online community of fire wives, I see so many women just spend too much time losing out on life because they are living in the “what if?”. It’s time to live in the “What next?” and do more.
Lori Mercer is the Chief Fire Wife, writer and speaker at FirefighterWife.com. She is the mother of 4 and very blessed to be happily married to her firefighter after many challenging years where she hated the firehouse and all its influence on him. Now she is an advocate for firefighter marriages and encouraging the fire wife community to drop the girl drama and work together for support and friendship.
This Guest Blog post is from the National Volunteer Fire Council. It is the featured article in our Firefighter & EMT News Resource: Flashpoint. To sign up to receive Flashpoint in your inbox once a month, click here!
Prevent Tragedy by Focusing on Behavioral Health in the Fire Service
Behavioral health. It’s a subject not often talked about in the fire service, but it affects every department and emergency responder in some way or other. In a culture that frequently brushes aside how they are feeling, this is a hard subject to tackle. Yet behavioral health issues are just as serious as physical health and safety issues, and can be just as deadly if left unaddressed.
Behavioral health can cover a wide spectrum of health issues for firefighters and emergency responders. These can include stress or anxiety, sleep problems, depression, post traumatic stress disorder, and addiction, to name a few. If left untreated, many of these issues could result in serious or life-threatening physical health disorders, such as heart disease or high blood pressure. Some could also lead to safety concerns as firefighters are less prepared to do their jobs safely and to the best of their ability if they are battling one or more of these issues. In many instances, untreated psychological conditions could lead to firefighter suicide, a tragedy for the firefighter, their family, the department, and the entire fire service community.
Firefighters and EMTs respond to the worst crises – fires, traffic accidents, family abuse, shootings, and more. At the same time, they are balancing the needs of the fire department, their families, other outside interests, and in the case of volunteers, full time jobs. Add to the mix unpredictable sleep schedules, potential for unhealthy eating habits and lack of time for proper fitness, and a culture where talking about one’s feelings or difficulties may not be accepted, and it is no wonder that emergency responders have an increased risk for having one or more behavioral health concerns.
What Can Be Done
It is critically important that department leadership makes behavioral health as much of a priority in the department as physical health and safety. Having resources available to firefighters and EMTs who need help, creating a culture where talking about issues is encouraged, and breaking the stigma associated with behavioral health issues can provide the support a firefighter needs to seek treatment and prevent tragic outcomes such as suicide.
Mandatory behavioral health training is a critical first step in adopting a proactive approach within the department. Having effective retirement planning procedures in place is also important as many firefighters suffer from stress, depression, loss of identity, or other negative effects when faced with leaving the fire service after dedicating their lives to it.
Other proactive measures include having an Employee Assistance Program available to all department members, having workshops where counselors or other qualified entities (CISM teams, chaplains, training officers) address potential issues and how to recognize signs and symptoms of distress, and encouraging all fire academies to include at least four hours of behavioral health training for cadets.
Resources Available
In recent years, the fire service has started to become aware of how serious behavioral health is for emergency responders. The Firefighter Behavioral Health Alliance (www.ffbha.org/) has collected information on 334 firefighters and 18 EMTs/Paramedics that have committed suicide. Departments have also begun to notice the wide range of negative outcomes that can result from ignoring behavioral health.
Fortunately, many resources are available to help departments and individuals address these issues and prevent potential negative outcomes.
Check out some of these resources- and click on the blue title to link to them!
This toll-free hotline is available to all firefighters, EMS personnel, and their families who need immediate assistance with any problems affecting work or personal life, such as stress, depression, alcohol or drug addiction, financial management difficulties, critical incidents, relationship problems, work-related concerns, and more. Trained firefighters and counselors familiar with the fire and emergency services are available 24/7. Call 1-888-731-FIRE (3473) for help.
Initiative 13 of the National Fallen Firefighters Foundation’s Life Safety Initiatives focuses on the psychological wellbeing of firefighters and their families. The new Initiative 13 web site contains important resources, training, and research, including the new model for exposure to potentially traumatic events and stress aid for fire and EMS personnel, which recognizes that not everyone responds the same to traumatic events.
This report from the National Volunteer Fire Council explores the various behavioral health concerns faced by first responders and identifies resources and best practices for mental wellness and suicide prevention.
The National Volunteer Fire Council, with support from the U.S. Fire Administration (USFA), developed this online training course focusing on suicide awareness and prevention. The course contains three modules that examines the signs and symptoms preceding suicide, highlights available resources for departments and individuals, and discusses the healing process when coping with a firefighter suicide. New students must create an account before registering for the course.
The focus of the 2013 International Fire/EMS Safety and Health Week was behavioral health. This web site provides a lengthy resource and training listing to help firefighters and their departments focus on behavioral health and well-being.
We are excited to announce our May Nominate a Hero winner is…
Francis Cheney!
Francis is a full-time firefighter and part-time nurse at Cancer Treatment Centers of America in Philadelphia. Before serving in these life-saving capacities, Fran was a Paramedic. Firefighting runs in Fran’s family. His father was a retired Philadelphia Fire Department Captain who served for more than 30 years.
On July 4, 2012, Fran entered a smoke-filled home and heard a woman in distress on the 2nd floor. When Fran found her, she was trapped, panicked and out of breathe from breathing in too much smoke. In a split-second decision, Fran took a big breath, removed his tank and put it on the woman. Both got out safely, although Fran was hospitalized for smoke inhalation. Fran later met the woman he saved, and presented her with about $500 of his own overtime pay to help her and her family.
On April 9, Fran was injured in a warehouse fire. He was inspecting an adjacent building to the warehouse when the wall and roof began to fall. Fran was buried in the rubble but managed to dig himself out. Two of Fran’s Ladder 10 firefighter brothers, Lt. Robert Neary and Firefighter Daniel Sweeney, were killed in the fire and and Firefighter Patrick Nally sustained serious injuries. Fran was able to return to work 3 weeks later. Fran donated his Hero of the Month prize money to the Philadelphia Firefighters Local 22 Widow’s Fund.
With the death of 19 Prescott Firefighters in the Yarnell Hill wildfire, yesterday marked the most deadly day for US Firefighters since September 11, 2001. Today, our thoughts are with the Prescott families, friends and community. We salute the brave and heroic actions of these Arizona firefighters and all firefighters- the brave men and women who risk their lives every day to protect our lives, homes and property. Please take just a moment today to recognize their bravery and sacrifice. Rest in Peace.
Prescott Firefighters
We will update this page with information about how to help the Prescott families and community as soon as it becomes available.
Voting is now closed! You may still share the heroes’ pages, but votes will not count. We will be announcing the winner soon! Keep an eye out for our July Finalists later this week!
How to vote for Captain Don: Simply “share” this page on Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin. You can share once per social network. We’ll keep track, and the finalist with the most shares will win! Use the “Sharing is Caring” buttons at the bottom of this post to make sure they count!
Captain Don is a 20-year fire veteran and currently serves as a Fire Captain and Paramedic. During a service trip abroad in 2004, Captain Don was frustrated by the lack of equipment & training available to firefighters abroad. So he started working on a new calling: Global Mission Readiness. Using their own time off, money, and equipment, Don and his team of 60 volunteers has traveled to 12 countries to complete 21 missions. Each year, this team of firefighters, EMS personnel, Nurses and … teach tens of thousands of people the art of being a firefighter. The nonprofit operates solely on donations and also teaches first aid, specialty rescue and preparedness- with a strong emphasis on self-reliance.
Please note – we’ve changed the voting requirements this month. In order to vote, you’ll have to create an account and log in to vote. Once you register, you’ll be taken directly to the voting page.
Don’t want to register? You can still see the voting results – just click here.
Fran C. | Pennsylvania Firefighter & Nurse
On July 4, 2012, Fran entered a smoke-filled home and heard a woman in distress on the 2nd floor. When Fran found her, she was trapped, panicked and out of breathe from breathing in too much smoke. In a split-second decision, Fran took a big breath, removed his tank and put it on the woman. Both got out safely, although Fran was hospitalized for smoke inhalation. Fran later met the woman he saved, and presented her with about $500 of his own overtime pay to help her and her family. Fran became a firefighter after following in the footsteps of his retired Fire Captain father.
When Fran isn’t fighting fires, he works as a part time Nurse at Cancer Treatment Centers of America. Before becoming a full time firefighter, he worked as a Paramedic.
Nancy J. | Wisconsin Educator
Nancy J. has been enthusiastically servings as the Arrowhead High School Choir Director for almost 30 years. Known for her passion and motivation, Nancy works to make each and every student a part of the team. She uses creativity in her teaching to keep her high school students engaged and enthusiastic about the fine arts. Her hard work shows. Every year, choir performances pack the house and lines to buy performance tickets stretch out the door. Nancy goes above and beyond to highlight her students’ achievements: decorating the halls for their performances, taking headshots so they feel like stars, and accompanying them to weekend contests. Due to Nancy’s unceasing hard work, her high school’s choir and theatre programs have a reputation for greatness.
Corporal Stan P | Georgia Police Officer
When Officer Phillips answered a call about an aggressive dog, he arrived at the scene to find a vicious attack in progress. The dog was biting the victim, a 5-year-old little girl named Lilly, on the face and neck. Officer Phillips rushed to her aid and was able to free her from the dog. The girl was immediately airlifted to the hospital with life-threatening injuries, including a missing ear. After saving the girl’s life, Officer Phillips continued to go visit her in the hospital, despite the hour drive each way, and even arranged for donations to pay for her reconstructive surgery. After she was released from the hospital, Officer Phillips helped work with churches and charities to raise money for her continued recovery. Stan has worked on a crime suppression units, SWAT, and road patrols (among others) and coworkers note his dedication and noteworthy impact on high crime areas- calling him a ‘go to’ guy in the field.
When shots rang out in the hospital where Robert works, his first thought was the victim’s safety. As others dropped to the floor, Robert ran to aid of the gunshot victim- a physician who worked at the hospital. After rushing to get his patient to a safe location to receive medical attention, Robert took cover and provided comfort to distraught nursing students. Robert’s coworkers say this kind of heroic action is not out of character for a man who cares deeply about his patients. Robert is an integral member of the Haiti Outreach Mission (HOM). HOM works to bring mobile clinics to distant mountain locations where Robert helps triage patients in need. Closer to home, Robert also speaks out on behalf of his patients, many of whom are victims of violence, by speaking at anti-violence rallies.
As we reflect on the horrific events of 9/11, it’s important we address the impact it still has on first responders and their families. In this guest post, Lori Mercer from FireFighterWife.com shares inspirational ideas on dealing with the fear that comes from loving someone with such a dangerous job.
